(what i wish he knew)

To the man who has become my safe haven,

I don't hate you. Well, I tried to, but it's really really hard. I've been telling myself for the last 14 hours that I should hate you for putting me in this mess but then I realized, I could've avoided it.

I keep telling myself that the moment you drove me back to my house, I'll peacefully close our story and make peace with myself. After all, I'm not your home, right?

Funny how I still can't wrap my head around the fact that you decided to let me go. You said that you're keeping me around, but then you go ahead and tried to solve whatever the shit happened between you and her. I tried to tell you that she'll scar you again. I tried to remind you of all the hurt she put you through but fuck you and your goddamn stubborn mind.

You wanted a week. You want me to give you a week to solve whatever that shit is, but I've been doing this for two months, love. That's selfish of you to ask for that. You said that you hated her shitty little mouth and her fucking stupid friends, but still, you choose to keep up with her and her so-called ambition when you know that I literally gave you better than what she could. 

Everyone said that I should be angry. That I should leave you and find someone else, but how could I do that when you already own every space of me?

I wanted to be angry, I swear. I wanted to scream and curse whatever the shit God put me through but I can't because even after this, I still love you. So this is my last note about you.

I wish you know that she would never realize every little detail of you because she never cared enough to do so. It was always me, love. It was always me that notice every little detail about you.

After this, I wish to exhale and let you go.

I hope she really holds you like I do,

ara