(what i wish his mother knew)

 

To the woman who raised my home.

You don't know me. In fact, I don't think you realize that I exist in your youngest's life, but I want you to know that you have successfully raised a strong and passionate man and I'm so thankful for that.

I met your son when I was 18. I was a mess then-I think I still am right now, though maybe a bit controlled, but your son decided to lay his eyes on me. Funny how the universe worked, huh?

He was broken, and I'm such a wreck and turns out, we make a lovely mess! I wish you could see how wonderful your son is through my eyes. I promise you, he's an amazing human being, despite his random tantrums and bad jokes.

I know pretty much everything about your son. I know where he's been, what he's done, and who he loved because it's a part of who he is. There's this spot on his chest that I adore because I could feel his heartbeat everytime I fell asleep on him. 

I've met his friends, and you know what I realized? Every time they talked about 2017, or any year before I squished myself into your youngest's life, there were parts that they left out, just to be considerate about me. It's quite nice, to be honest. 

You see, I despise most of his ex, because they scarred him for life, and I fucking hate it because he did not deserve any of that. I wish that I could be blissfully unaware of which girl he used to kiss and which girl he used to sang to. I wish that I could be blissfully unaware of his history with girls.

I'd be selfish, but I wish that all of his exes and people that hate him are dead. I hate seeing him sad because sometimes, his storms rage the worst when he reminisces his past. I'm hurting every time he's hurting, too.

I wish you know that I only have my eyes for your son. I fell in love with his impulsiveness, cause he made me jumped off the cliff I never knew I had in my life. I fell in love with his way of thinking, because he is driven, yet he is free. I fell in love with the way his eyebrows scrunched every time I irritate him or the way he styles his hair whenever he took off his black cap. I wish you know how much I'd give up everything for your Taurus son.

If one day I get to spend the rest of my life with him, please know that he's in a good hand. I promise you, I'll take good care of him. I know how much he loves white Toblerone, or the way he hates chocolate and coffee but loves Oreo Double Stuff dipped with cold Strawberry milk. I know he smokes too often, but I'll make sure that he never ditches his food, and his workout-did you know that he's a great swimmer? He's so good at that, too, and not only music!

I promise that if he woke up in the middle of the night, sick as hell, I'll drop everything and make sure he has the warmest food, with medicine and a head rub from me-did you know that he still loves ngengeng and head rub, just like when he's a kid? I promise that I'll trace every inch of his face, just to make sure that his breathing is steady, before tucking him in-did you know that he still hates that one scar on his chin? I promise that I'd always be there for him, no matter what.

I wish you know how amazing your son is, ma'am. He's the most caring and kindest person I ever fell in love with, even if sometimes his tantrums are a pain in the ass-I promise that he just needs to learn how to control his anger. I wish you know how your son is learning to make peace with his life and past-I'm sorry if he made you cry because he felt like a stranger in your home.

And even if I don't get to have him forever, he'll be my favorite story to tell, about a rare soul with piercings and tattoos-about true love, even if it's not meant to be.

Funny how I never did this to any other guy, but trust me, your stubborn son is different! He puts a smile on my face, even when I don't felt like smiling at all. He bears all my traumas and always makes sure that he's there to wipe my tears-even if he's the one who causes it.

to the woman who raised my home, 

you don't know me, but I'm so in love with your youngest.

sincerely, 

with my love as vast as the universe,

ara