That One Question

There's this one fine day at La Jolla and I was sitting, staring at the waves in front of me with Kelxi, my bestfriend in San Diego. We were in silence and I remember, only the sound of waves that were heard that day. Then, suddenly out of nowhere, she turned her head to me and raised her eyebrow, signalling that she has a question. 

" What is it? "

She smiles slowly before stared back at the sea

" How does nothing feels? "

I froze and just stood up wile offered her my hand. 

" Ra, answer me. "

I shrugged and released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. That one fine day, the last day I met her before she moved to the other part of the state were ruin just like that.

***********

I stare at the galaxy painting on my ceiling, the stars reminds me of her smile. My best friend's smile. Sitting up, I clunched the blanket on my hands.

" It feels like pain. Pain, everyday. Your brain knows you are hurting and this causes pain The pain grows on in every cell of your body, like a disease that eats you from the inside out. Soon you're only a shell, because there's nothing left on the inside. No thinking, no heart, no emotions. Just a skin that walks around all day hurting. "

My door was opened slowly and I could see my brother, holding a cup of dark chocolate and a plate of cookies.

" Still thinking about her ? "

He asks me while sitting at the edge of the bed and handed me the glass. He chuckled slowly before pressing his palms to my forehead.

" It's not good if you keep on having a nightmare at this unreasonable hour, baby. I'm starting to running out of dark chocolates and cookies. "

" I miss her. "

Zach stare at me for a second before taking the glass from me and put both the glass, and the plate at my nightstand. He smile softly before hug me tight.

" I overheard what you say back then. That's the unanswered question isn't it? "

I nodded and burried my head on his neck. I miss the time like this. Only me and my (step) brother against the world.

" That's how nothing feels "

He whispered softly to my ears. And with that word, I broke down and cried in his arms.

She slipped out of my fingers.
My best friend since birth were dead.
Cancer won and she lost.
She were dead and I didn't even bothered to answer her last question.

We were a perfect bestfriend. It's her two years anniversary of death today. I can't help it.



-ara, about kelxi