Secrets

To my unknown lover,

I'm sorry that I haven't answered any of your calls, nor replied to any of your texts. The truth is, I'm trying to solve everything-including whether or not my feelings are valid. These days seems so hard for me, and I can't help that sometimes, I thought of breaking things up. I thought of how a person like you, deserved better than a walking mess, like me.

I'm sorry that sometimes, I have to left you, just as fast as I stripped off all my jewelries. I'm sorry that sometimes I made you questioning my love for you. I'm sorry that I hurt you.

When I was a kid, my mum always told me that love, is something crucial, and touches are something special. She always taught me that my pride comes first before lust, and I should never let anyone rip my dignity away. I'm sorry that I let you mapped me like a journey, and left your territories on me. I'm sorry that it's so hard for me to stayed quiet while you explore my voices.

I wish that you would just left me. I wish that you would finally got sick of me, and left. Obviously, it never happened. You stayed by my side, and I'm sorry for always bringing up my first love whenever you asked about the turtle chain around my neck.

I'm sorry that I always changed the subject whenever you asked about the boxing gloves hanging on the back of my door, or how I stayed still whenever you told me that the punching bag in my living room is faintly moving.

I'm sorry that you had to see me crying while hugging a white Green Day shirt, which's not a pleasant sight to see. I'm sorry that I never framed any of our pictures together, or the fact that my shelves were filled with pictures of me and my first love. 

I'm sorry that every once in a month, I have to cancel our date, and you had to found out from the old man at the graveyard, that I'm crying in front of the same tombstone, again.

To my unknown lover, I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry that I can't accept the fact that he is dead.

I'm sorry that after all this time, I still don't love you.

Yet, this is me. All bare and exposed. Lower all my egos and dignity, just to free you. To free myself.

I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry.

Beneath the storm and faint whispers to the sky,

Ara.