Turtle Chain

A good friend of mine once asked me;

“ How did you do it? How did you let him go? Did you accept the fact, that he’s dead? “

And I remembered, I said that it’s part of my healing. That you are always a part of me and accepting the fact that you’re gone, is like accepting a part of myself that’s gone. 

I told her that somehow, I got better. Somehow, I knew I should moved on. That somehow, in some twisted way, you would’ve wanted me to be happy. To find a new you. 

I told her that you will always be in my heart, even though I’ll go around breaking hearts.

I told her that sometimes, I forgot how it hurts and I keep on living my life like nothing ever hurt me.

But I never told her that up until now, I still cry a lot.

That everytime I hear Ghost of You playing, I would clenched my teeth and beg for my tears to stop.

That everytime I open my bedroom, I would see a teddy bear you once bought me and I would instantly cry.

I never told her that everyday, I would hug your t-shirt and silently beg for the pain to stop.

I never told her that I would sit in my bathroom and let the water running and think about you.

I never told her that everytime I see your boxing gloves hanging at the back of my door, I would break down and cry for hours

I never told her that everyday, I would turn your favorite Green Day song on and cry with it.

And so, I never told her that up until today, I still miss you and wish you were here. 

With me.

Just like old times.

Just like always.

-via, you are always alive inside of me.